You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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