Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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