so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You were trust falling into bushes
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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