i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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