4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
