Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
