Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
