Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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