'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
