im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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