I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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