Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
