I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dignity is for republicans.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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