He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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