need another drink. this is the easiest way
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
