i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
