Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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