Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
