She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
