So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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