This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
