Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
