Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
ok first of all what the fuck
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
