On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
