I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
