I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Ketchup is God's man juice
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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