I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
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