my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize