My first STD was from a foam party
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
