she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
