Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
