My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
