Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
