Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Two words: blizzard sex
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
