I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
