i already hear my dad disowning me
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He felt like a one man threesome
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
