dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
