is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
