Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize