Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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