if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
