it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
