somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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