This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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