I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
