then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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