JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
