I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
