anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
