Screwed.edu
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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