I'm gonna have a badass scar
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
