first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
