There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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