I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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