So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
