Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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