Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I FOUND THE LEGS
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
