no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
