Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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