some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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