If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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