I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
