There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
