Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
