My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
well you can't waste a boner
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
