this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
