Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
