I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
